sundays

The Boom-town Rats definately should have made that christ awful song about Sundays instead of Mondays. Sundays by far are the most boring day ever. I'm even tempted to do some work. I might do some art in my sketchpad instead though, if Nan doesn't mind me making a mess again.

Yesterday was a nice change, it was a good surprise not to have to go into work! & I definately think seeing Emma and Ged cheered me up loads, even if we do all pick on each other. I love the way the three of us just bully one another but if one of us needs a shoulder to lean on or something, we're all the first there to offer one.

I've still not heard from Cath Kidston. I was cheeky though and gave a CV into the store as well as the online app. We'll see! I'm still mulling over Matt's offer. More hours and money would not go amiss whatsoever; I'd be able to pay jmu off without worrying, to give my Nan money without being short and to get out of my overdraft, as well as have so much more of my time actually be my own.

However, I'd have a much more important role in his company which would terrify me if I made mistakes, cause so much more would depend on me and I wouldn't want to somehow render all the hard work he's put in, useless. I hate talking to strangers on the phone, too. Especially if I've no idea about or interest in what it's about. Don't get me wrong, I'm interested in his business, I hope it works out really incredibly well for him and I'm so proud he's done so well already, but as far as taking a personal interest in it goes, it all goes over my head. I actually don't understand most of it, which is why the work I do for him at the minute is far better suited to me. Another downside if I accept the offer, would be I'd be working from home. Everyone goes 'ahh I wish I could do that!' whenever they ask what I do, but seriously, I've never spent so much time indoors in my life :| I'd slowly but surely go stir crazy. I need to give it all a serious think.

Very serious think.

I definately do not take kindly to being rang at half four in the morning and then ignored, either. Irritation.

Also, completely off topic. Contemplating dying my hair a darker red? Maybe. If I find a good shade I'll do that again, I liked it last time. None of this pillarbox red though, I'm not that brave!

whine.

i wish that had worked out differently. i hate my inability to stay unattached.
if i could handle unattached, i'd be more patient, who knows how it would have gone?
but no.

it might be for the best but that doesn't mean i'm impressed about it.

maybe cath kidston will cheer me up. cross fingers. i wonder why i have such a poor sleeping pattern; it's 1.30 and i'm still on this thing. bed time i think.

it was in the lobby when I set my sights on you

shoulda kissed you in the elevator,
but I was too scared to
it was in the morning when I made up my mind
i want you staple-gunned right to my side all of the time

do I have to spell it out for you
or scream it in your face?
oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear?
oh, just stop right there
i think that we've got something here

we were all alone when I finally made a pass at you
it didn't work, and no it never does,
but you know how I do
we were on the phone when I made up my mind
i want you staple-gunned right to my side all of the time

do I have to spell it out for you
or scream it in your face?
oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear?
oh, just stop right there
i think that we've got something here

I could throttle Emma for pointing bits and bobs out sometimes. I'm the worst at torturing myself.

Thoroughly fed up, workworkwork = yawn. I've been offered a management position, from home, on quite alot a month. I'd probably be stupid to turn it down. But when I'm at home, working from my own pc, I go a bit stirr crazy. This snow has been bad enough, could I really cope with days and days indoors? Though, I'd be able to quit Adams and have my weekends free again, I'd have three day weekends and every evening free. Tempting, tempting. We'll see.

Very thinky mood today. I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing. Is it right to wait for someone? If you think they're worth it? I think they are, but I don't want to get a month down the line and still be waiting to see what happens; I've waited before for a different person and it's hard going. If only things were simple eh!

On the other hand, waiting for someone is no doubt a better idea than going back a couple of steps, isn't it? Oh we'll see.

hm.

tension is rubbish.
it creates complications. unwanted complications.

rambleramble

So today may equal a thoroughly unproductive day, again. Everyone bar me has revision to do, Matt's sent me no work through and I'm off from Adams. So far, I've slept in later than I should have, played games with Isabella and watched 'This Morning'. Productive, productive. Though Bon Jovi was on my TV and I've taught Isabella to go 'wahhhh' and wave her hands in the air when he's on - so perhaps not a complete waste. This poor child has no chance of being 'normal', especially with me as a big cousin.

It's snowing too - hurrah! I hope it snows so much that every Uni gets cancelled and my friends will be big kids and play out with me. :')

Perhaps I should start writing stories again. I should take a leaf out of Nikki's book - she uses her spare time to write, I waste it thoroughly. Sly.

ohhh

There's no need for how badly I want to move to New York or Paris, I've always always loved the idea of the writer/journalist lifestyle; a chic apartment, vintage and modern all at once. Carrie Bradshaw had it going on! A full wardrobe of designer shoes, clothes, chic little tables, cutesy ornaments and cushions, whole walls of shelves covered in books; perfect.

I wish something would inspire me to write again; I used to thoroughly enjoy writing but nowadays I get easily distracted - clearly don't get good enough ideas anymore. I could happily read for months on end and when I do have a good idea, I thoroughly enjoy writing. Perhaps something will come along soon. I can't wait to get back to education, it sounds silly, but I'm actually envious of my friends who have coursework, homework, exams etc. Working two part time jobs, neither of which interest me, bores me so so much. I'm actually excited for the future, for starting my new English Literature course and deciding what I actually want out of life.

I definately want to travel. Definately. Spend six months in Paris, living on fruit, croissant and tea - perfection! ♥! It's one of my favourite places ever. I've not been to New York yet, but I just know it'll rank alongside Paris in my affections. I know it will.


I have so much to get in order this year though, I'll use Paris and New York as my goal. I've set myself several resolutions, whether or not I'll keep them is a different topic or not, but we'll see;

- Drop a dress size & a half again, happy times.
- Get back to university; already done I suppose, but to actually enjoy it this time, to stick at it.
- Start writing again, find inspiration.
- Perhaps practise French again, re-educate myself.
- Fix my ridiculous sleeping pattern.

and so it is

just like you said it would be

life goes easy on me
most of the time
and so it is
the shorter story
no love, no glory
no hero in her sky

i can't take my eyes off of you
i can't take my eyes off you.

i'm thoroughly being a copycat and writing a reflective blog. emma's really got me thinking about the year i've had. there's so so much that's happened this year.

january was pretty uneventful, though i brought the new year in with one of my nearest and dearest friends, matt.

february, i went to paris for the first time since i was five. i completely fell in love with the city, despite the cold and the irritating beggars near the eiffer tower, it's a beautiful place. & even though it's only a tiny part of me, i'm proud that my great nan was french. she was a beautiful person, inside and out, and the country just reflects that. i'm not joking when i say, i could happily live there. one of the best parts of the experience was sharing it with matt - i love him to pieces, he's an incredible person, even if he does drive me insane at times. & though things are different between us now, i thoroughly believe it's all worked out for the best & wish him every happiness in the future, i really do.


march, again was uneventful but filled with little days to remember. for the most part, i spent march, april and may preparing for my exams, being sociable only when i had the chance. i grew pretty close to emma again and my closeness with nikki stayed the same, we became a trio. i began to drift from someone i had once been very close to - and i must admit, it does upset me abit.

easter was fun this year, i spent it on a lovely summery day, having a drive around aimlessly with matt. we spent alot of time driving round, talking, listening to music. i'll never forget it.

june, exams, stress, social life death, stress, revision. the whole lot. but once they were done, relief, freedom; summer began. :)


july was spent working (boo hiss), going out (hurrah) and best of all, a day in alton towers; amazing. matt drove emma, nikki, andy and i to alton towers for the day. one of the funniest days all year - i don't think anyone realised just how much emma and me can talk, until they agreed to come out that day. 'whole lotta lovin'!'
'jiggly charlie!' so, so many laughs that day!

august was amazing, full stop. i went back to paris with matt again, but this time we stayed in an amazing hotel, went to disney for a day, visited some sights again, mooched around the shops - and the weather was amazing! i had so much fun there and took way too many pictures. i also somehow mastered the ability to get sunburned on one side of my face; that takes skills. :')



september, i started university & thoroughly wasted my time there. i was dreading going in, right from the start & was bored almost immediately. none of it interested me - aside from the social aspect. so rather than waste thousands of pounds worth of funding, i 'suspended' my studies. law definately is not for me. alot of people think i was too hasty, but i'm happy with my choice. the only downside is that the course i wanted to transfer to was full, so i have to spend my year working. perhaps i'll use this blog in order to keep my essay skills on the go. - not that i'm writing very grammatically well atm or anything, ha! but my aim is to study english, then to go onto journalism or teaching infants/primary children. :) for now, i work part time in two jobs. it's boring, but it pays i suppose!

the end of august/start of september was a big time for me, not only did i have my whole uni episode, but matt & i broke up. at the time, it was hard. but both of us get on a million times better now, and for that i'm very lucky/thankful! we're so so much better as friends. :)

september was when the mass of thursdays began, many blurry nights of giggles and fun. october, november, filled with blurry fun nights, spur of the moment cinema trips with ged and emma, planned trips with nikki, drunken dancing with nathan and abi on podiums, the lot. halloween was a disaster, but i loveloveloved my costume this year - magenta! ♥!

november, i saw alice cooper yet again - amazing, as per usual. & it was so much fun to see scott and millhouse :) - emma and i had so much fun! then the following week, i turned twenty. twenty! i'm no longer a teenager, how thoroughly depressing! in an attempt to do something 'different' i decided to not go on a night out, and to take advantage of the 'spectacular' winter weekend fun that blackpool advertised, aswell as my gallery trip to see new moon, courtesy of nikki ♥! blackpool was one of the worst and best days of the year, all at once! it rained more than i've seen in months, it was blisteringly cold, over half of the theme park was shut, several men with no teeth, with curtains in their hair and 90's -esque earrings charmed us 'tight scousers', 'rampant rabbit!' 'stick it in you ;)' - all the usual lines that make a girl weak at the knees. despite all that, we laughed, told awful jokes, acted like children and had a ball. i loved it, because i had good company with me :) - sammie, emma & nikki. best ever.

december, an eventful and memorable month, definately. nikki, emma & i took a trip to manchester to see marilyn manson (goffs, wahh) and it was incredible; we all felt about 16 again, as though we should have been back in 2006, chilling at the pier. but marilyn is a great live act. i'd go again, even if it is full of 12 yr old 'goffs' and 40+yr old bnp followers. i don't appreciate being 'humped' by old men though, no no no.
as well as our manson trip, we had our tea party night in nathan's with nikki, emma, abi, sammie, natalie, lauren & emma a - amazing! having agreed to stay in and drink ale, play 'i've never', we got home at around 6am, wasted and having had a bloody good rave on podiums. i love the awful videos nikki has of our taxi rides. not only was there the tea party/town night, there's been several nights i won't forget and will never fully remember; revs 'glamrock' night, baabar monday with eddie, toe, danny, sammie, emma, nikki, boulton, jambo, martin - absolutely everyone was out, vacancy in 305 reformed, i called a truce with someone i'd rather not bicker with and i spent christmas with the family. it was a good month.

i've had an incredible rollercoaster style year. two trips to paris, a break up, starting uni, dropping out, reapplying, countless nights out, growing closer to old friends; emma & abi, making newer friends, nathan amongst others and staying close with old favourites, nikki & matt. i've loved 2009 for the most part. & i hope 2010 is just as amazing/eventful.

happy new year :)